I have a friend who loves children, but particularly, he has a heart for orphans. He's the kind of person who breaks the mold. Now, I know, I know, lots of people "break the mold". There's a lot I don't know. Sadly, a lot of places I haven't visited, nor will I. But, I've got a pretty good grasp on people and molds. I'm a life long student, even entering an intensive program at Harvard in 2002 and have been studying there off and on for the last eight years. Trust me for a moment, this guy breaks the mold.
He has been educated at three of the most prestigious schools in the world. He has covetable job at one of the most prestigious investment houses in the world. He is considerate, but he doesn't give a flying flip about any of the prestige. He loves orphans. He desperately loves his wife. She is an orphan.
I met this friend in a London kitchen. He didn't know at the time, but I had a sense our relationship would be profound.
Five years ago, Anne and I began dedicating our lives to what we call life changing things. Similar to what John Replogle said at the Harvard Club panel last monday (read blog below), Anne and I have purposed to help others live better lives. At the time, five years ago, I was embroiled in a miserable business situation; the type of situation in which there are winners and losers. Having written this, its actually like war, there are no winners. Frankly, the notion of life changing things has been of interest to Anne and me since we married. But, I wasn't very good at it then. It's just that several situations in the last ten years have effected commitment within us at a higher level, initiatives at both personal and professional levels.
Back to the mold breaker. I learned a very important lesson from this young friend; that we all feel orphaned at one moment or another. Our hearts yearn for something more than money, fame, power, prestige. Its at this point, that some, who have insatiable egos, begin to back up and say, whoa, this guy's a little touchy feely for me. Sad part is, the most proscribed drug in the rich world are anti-depressants. And, the rich down the pills at faster rates than the poor. We rich are too often overfed, hooked on something, whether its power, sex or money. But, more importantly, there is an inverse relationship between power, money and happiness. So, my friend decided to break the mold. He;s attempting to give away 90%, personally living on 10%. If I were his boss, I would realize this is fantastic. The guy'll have to work his butt off to live on the 10%! But, this is how much my friend loves orphan kids.
Have you ever been to an orphanage? Orphans are happy. They want the most important things in life. They want to be loved. They want to be fed. They want a family.
When Lee Atwater was dying of cancer, he didn't want to help the Republicans get elected, he wanted to love and be loved, and forgiven. One of the greatest CEOs in American business history, Colman Mockler, left a legacy of love, care, well, and great razor blades. Do you think you'll want to turn another "deal" or win another election with your last day. I'm sad if you do. The self aware person will want to love another and be loved, like the orphan.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Reading this blog
The first blog is at the bottom. It makes the most sense reading it from the bottom up. Byron
Saturday, October 30, 2010
The last two weeks
Hi Folks,
This is for those curious about how I arrived at the point of needing open heart surgery, at 50 darn-it!
Two weeks ago today I felt fine attending a national conference named the National Association of Corporate Directors (NACD) with my colleague Phil Johnston. The NACD is an association of mostly forward thinking corporate directors interested in best practices in corporate governance. It's three days of lectures and interactive discussions from 6am through 9pm. I felt fine. Returning home Tuesday, Anne and I enjoyed a pleasant ride through Charlottesville and the rolling Virginia Countryside bursting with autumn color.
The next two days were filled with follow up work from the conference, plus new business and ongoing development of V2 of our website. Feeling fine.
Thursday (9 days ago), I went in for a scheduled physical with Dr. Bruce Swords. We've know each other for years so the conversation is quickly and easily to the point. I mentioned to Bruce that I should probably get some further testing as I've felt a strange feeling while exercising; part of the feeling was a very slight burning like sensation in my chest but it felt more like my esophagus, so we thought it might be an upper GI issue. The other feeling was a very strange, very slight nerve pain or even numbness feeling in my right thumb. Usually these sensations occurred with my heart rate above 150, considered a fairly high rate for a 50 year old. Anne and I attend a "spin" class one to three times a week. Beyond spin, I try to get to the gym, plus I walk, some weeks, considerably. Beyond scheduled exercise, I also play golf three to five times a month, often walking. In winter, I ski race on the local ski team. You get the picture, I'm not sedentary and I can maintain a high heart rate. Bruce scheduled a stress test for the following Tuesday.
Friday, was a normal somewhat long work day. That evening I had the nice surprise of an old friend Carey Redd in town on business but with a free evening so he and I dined at the Proximity Hotel's Print Works Bistro. Aside, Proximity is the world's first LEED Platinum hotel, a big deal in the sustainability business world, and Dennis Quaintance, an outstanding local business leader, proclaims that the benefits are economic, not merely environmental.
Last Saturday, spin class in the morning, then work around the yard. While working in the yard, I noticed Ed and Lori practicing dance steps in their back yard, for their wedding reception that evening. Ed's my heart surgeon neighbor.
That evening, we put on our evening dress and went to dance the night away with Ed and Lori, Barrett and Kristin and others on the rooftop terrace of the art deco Kress building . It was one of those dreamy, beautiful cool autumn evenings when the atmospheric conditions cause the distant lights to sparkle like signals from afar. The city was buzzing with activity and nightlife. While dancing I felt just the faintest tingle in my right thumb again, but the beauty of my lovely wife dispelled any concern.
Sunday was routine, enjoying the morning with Anne and friends at an inner city church that rocks with great music from my friend Steve Lynam, who I knew long before moving to Greensboro. What a voice. Then Bill Goans delivered a message about grace over sin. Bill is another faithful friend, dear man, loving husband, paragon of a community leadership and pastor. Bill is also a heart patient.
Monday was a heavy work day from early then ending with a very interesting Harvard Club of RTP panel discussion with: John Replogle (CEO Burt's Bees), Michael Jacobs (Professor of Corporate Governance at UNC, Kenen Flagler), Tony Frazier (VP Cisco), and Jim Whitehurst (CEO Red Hat). The big takeaways were; "My purpose in life is to help others live better lives" - John Replogle; then overwhelmingly, these four aren't in "it" for the money. Sure, they want to pay their bills. But, Whitehurst proclaimed CEOs make too much money; they represent a growing ethos where the players are pursuant of a business model that first improves the world, does no harm, performs profitably, the triple bottom line.
Tuesday - D day. No food, no coffee before the stress test. This is the real stress test with lots of wires, sticky tabs all over the chest, nuclear dye squirted up through IVs. Its a three hour adventure, really culminating in an inclined run on a treadmill; this is the "stress" part. My blood pressure started with a typical 115/68 and rest heart rate of 56-60bpm. Then, we started the test. The kind technician (whose room is clearly "owned by her" posted with supportive prayer verses on the walls) took me up to a heart rate of 150bpm over the next twenty minutes. Spin class is 45-50 minutes at 140-160 so this was easy. When she said told me I could stop, I thought I passed with flying colors. No, heart pain. I felt good. I felt I could have gone at least another 50 minutes to hour without trouble. My blood pressure was ranging up to 130/80, still in the excellent range.
During a nuclear stress test, you lie under a radiological device twice, before and after the stress portion. In total, the devices take hundreds of pictures of our heart and arteries. I returned to the waiting area with my iPad working away, even lost in the pressing matters of that afternoon. At one point, a technician walked out and a told a similar, but older patient that he could leave. I began to think this "funny feeling" was probably only indigestion. I have always had a sensitive stomach.
Mr. Loflin, "I want you to walk with me this way to see the doctor". That wasn't what they told the other guy. I immediately thought something was up. "Something showed up on your pictures after the stress test that the doctor needs to review with you". I was ushered into a private waiting room where the door was cracked open. Its while sitting there, I overheard: "We'd like to schedule the Cath lab for 9:30am tomorrow morning"... "Yes, the patient's name is Loflin, Byron Loflin". Next the doctor entered. "Hi my name is Dr. Nishan, tell me why you are here today". I told him my little story. "Where are you from?" he asked. I told him this part of the story. Then, he said, "I grew up outside of Boston, and was fortunate enough to receive a scholarship to Harvard Medical and then did my residency at Mayo". Somehow, he seemed to know that I would understand the meanings of all this. We talked about having Harvard in common. I was at HBS in July studying "Making Corporate Boards Better". Then he turned more serious, "Well, Mr. Loflin, your stress test revealed significant blockage in a main artery. The fact that your in good shape, no apparent heart damage, your prognosis is very good. We've scheduled you for a catheterization process tomorrow morning." He explained many of the details, including, "there's a likelihood you will require bypass surgery". At that moment, I went into a minor state of shock. This is the moment where the pictures of life raced like a movie theatre screen within my mind. I could understand most of what Dr. Nishan said, but, over the next few minutes I saw hundreds of people and places important to me: my family, friends, acquaintances...from Greensboro to Australia, London to Dehli to Cape Town, it was a amazing collage of people, places and things that matter, friend's their homes, their friends that I hope to yet visit and their culture yet to engage. Was it over?
The next morning, the catheterization procedure was foreign, so I engaged with a bit of trepidation, but since it was performed though my wrist, it felt like a donating blood. Its during this procedure, as mentioned in my "Doctors" blog, Doctor Cooper concluded that bypass surgery offers the "best long term prognosis." I envisioned pain.
This is for those curious about how I arrived at the point of needing open heart surgery, at 50 darn-it!
Two weeks ago today I felt fine attending a national conference named the National Association of Corporate Directors (NACD) with my colleague Phil Johnston. The NACD is an association of mostly forward thinking corporate directors interested in best practices in corporate governance. It's three days of lectures and interactive discussions from 6am through 9pm. I felt fine. Returning home Tuesday, Anne and I enjoyed a pleasant ride through Charlottesville and the rolling Virginia Countryside bursting with autumn color.
The next two days were filled with follow up work from the conference, plus new business and ongoing development of V2 of our website. Feeling fine.
Thursday (9 days ago), I went in for a scheduled physical with Dr. Bruce Swords. We've know each other for years so the conversation is quickly and easily to the point. I mentioned to Bruce that I should probably get some further testing as I've felt a strange feeling while exercising; part of the feeling was a very slight burning like sensation in my chest but it felt more like my esophagus, so we thought it might be an upper GI issue. The other feeling was a very strange, very slight nerve pain or even numbness feeling in my right thumb. Usually these sensations occurred with my heart rate above 150, considered a fairly high rate for a 50 year old. Anne and I attend a "spin" class one to three times a week. Beyond spin, I try to get to the gym, plus I walk, some weeks, considerably. Beyond scheduled exercise, I also play golf three to five times a month, often walking. In winter, I ski race on the local ski team. You get the picture, I'm not sedentary and I can maintain a high heart rate. Bruce scheduled a stress test for the following Tuesday.
Friday, was a normal somewhat long work day. That evening I had the nice surprise of an old friend Carey Redd in town on business but with a free evening so he and I dined at the Proximity Hotel's Print Works Bistro. Aside, Proximity is the world's first LEED Platinum hotel, a big deal in the sustainability business world, and Dennis Quaintance, an outstanding local business leader, proclaims that the benefits are economic, not merely environmental.
Last Saturday, spin class in the morning, then work around the yard. While working in the yard, I noticed Ed and Lori practicing dance steps in their back yard, for their wedding reception that evening. Ed's my heart surgeon neighbor.
That evening, we put on our evening dress and went to dance the night away with Ed and Lori, Barrett and Kristin and others on the rooftop terrace of the art deco Kress building . It was one of those dreamy, beautiful cool autumn evenings when the atmospheric conditions cause the distant lights to sparkle like signals from afar. The city was buzzing with activity and nightlife. While dancing I felt just the faintest tingle in my right thumb again, but the beauty of my lovely wife dispelled any concern.
Sunday was routine, enjoying the morning with Anne and friends at an inner city church that rocks with great music from my friend Steve Lynam, who I knew long before moving to Greensboro. What a voice. Then Bill Goans delivered a message about grace over sin. Bill is another faithful friend, dear man, loving husband, paragon of a community leadership and pastor. Bill is also a heart patient.
Monday was a heavy work day from early then ending with a very interesting Harvard Club of RTP panel discussion with: John Replogle (CEO Burt's Bees), Michael Jacobs (Professor of Corporate Governance at UNC, Kenen Flagler), Tony Frazier (VP Cisco), and Jim Whitehurst (CEO Red Hat). The big takeaways were; "My purpose in life is to help others live better lives" - John Replogle; then overwhelmingly, these four aren't in "it" for the money. Sure, they want to pay their bills. But, Whitehurst proclaimed CEOs make too much money; they represent a growing ethos where the players are pursuant of a business model that first improves the world, does no harm, performs profitably, the triple bottom line.
Tuesday - D day. No food, no coffee before the stress test. This is the real stress test with lots of wires, sticky tabs all over the chest, nuclear dye squirted up through IVs. Its a three hour adventure, really culminating in an inclined run on a treadmill; this is the "stress" part. My blood pressure started with a typical 115/68 and rest heart rate of 56-60bpm. Then, we started the test. The kind technician (whose room is clearly "owned by her" posted with supportive prayer verses on the walls) took me up to a heart rate of 150bpm over the next twenty minutes. Spin class is 45-50 minutes at 140-160 so this was easy. When she said told me I could stop, I thought I passed with flying colors. No, heart pain. I felt good. I felt I could have gone at least another 50 minutes to hour without trouble. My blood pressure was ranging up to 130/80, still in the excellent range.
During a nuclear stress test, you lie under a radiological device twice, before and after the stress portion. In total, the devices take hundreds of pictures of our heart and arteries. I returned to the waiting area with my iPad working away, even lost in the pressing matters of that afternoon. At one point, a technician walked out and a told a similar, but older patient that he could leave. I began to think this "funny feeling" was probably only indigestion. I have always had a sensitive stomach.
Mr. Loflin, "I want you to walk with me this way to see the doctor". That wasn't what they told the other guy. I immediately thought something was up. "Something showed up on your pictures after the stress test that the doctor needs to review with you". I was ushered into a private waiting room where the door was cracked open. Its while sitting there, I overheard: "We'd like to schedule the Cath lab for 9:30am tomorrow morning"... "Yes, the patient's name is Loflin, Byron Loflin". Next the doctor entered. "Hi my name is Dr. Nishan, tell me why you are here today". I told him my little story. "Where are you from?" he asked. I told him this part of the story. Then, he said, "I grew up outside of Boston, and was fortunate enough to receive a scholarship to Harvard Medical and then did my residency at Mayo". Somehow, he seemed to know that I would understand the meanings of all this. We talked about having Harvard in common. I was at HBS in July studying "Making Corporate Boards Better". Then he turned more serious, "Well, Mr. Loflin, your stress test revealed significant blockage in a main artery. The fact that your in good shape, no apparent heart damage, your prognosis is very good. We've scheduled you for a catheterization process tomorrow morning." He explained many of the details, including, "there's a likelihood you will require bypass surgery". At that moment, I went into a minor state of shock. This is the moment where the pictures of life raced like a movie theatre screen within my mind. I could understand most of what Dr. Nishan said, but, over the next few minutes I saw hundreds of people and places important to me: my family, friends, acquaintances...from Greensboro to Australia, London to Dehli to Cape Town, it was a amazing collage of people, places and things that matter, friend's their homes, their friends that I hope to yet visit and their culture yet to engage. Was it over?
The next morning, the catheterization procedure was foreign, so I engaged with a bit of trepidation, but since it was performed though my wrist, it felt like a donating blood. Its during this procedure, as mentioned in my "Doctors" blog, Doctor Cooper concluded that bypass surgery offers the "best long term prognosis." I envisioned pain.
Friday, October 29, 2010
The PM's heart
One of my more memorable heart related events occurred in the Balkans. I was there on a trip visiting some very dear friends, encouraging the ongoing peace effort. Its an exciting place of change and reconciliation. A few days after arriving, AC, a close friend and man whom I admire greatly was invited to visit the PM. He requested that I join him. The two of us were ushered into a small private room off the PMs office. A few minutes later the PM entered and we went through all the formalities and introductions, settling into overstuffed leather chairs. After a few minutes of chit chat, AC asked the PM, "how's your heart?" Apparently, the PM had undergone surgery several years before. Like a typical Balkan leader, the PM puffed his chest and answered forcefully, "Its strong". "No, how's your heart?" retorted AC. The tall, broad chested, national leader hesitated, drew a long slow breath and sighed, "its hard". "We have many problems, conflicts." Time seemed to slow. The PM revealed the challenges and stress of leadership.
Rich or poor, powerful or weak, globally, we share more, than less in common. All of humanity share heart; some pour it out, others change it. I felt connected to the PM, a man of power willing to reveal his heart. Heart - fascinating that we use this word to describe the muscle that pumps the blood through us; its also a word to describe feeling, emotion, and affection; one can pour out his heart; another can lose heart; then it can also be the center of a matter or even city.
While in the fog of the catheterization lab, as a catheter was directed though my wrist and to my my heart, all viewed on monitors above, doctor Cooper identified the blockage details, then turned to me: "you are fortunate, your heart is very strong, no damage, but we can't do anything of benefit for you here. You'll need bypass surgery"
The Balkans have been on a twenty year bypass surgery journey. Centuries of heartless conflict eroded into one of the worst wars of the late twentieth century. Catholics, Muslims, Orthodox, behaving like barbarians, each claiming ancestral rights to land, unable to live together. Visit the Balkans today and you will meet beautiful people, diverse cultures, and countries struggling to find their way into the developed union of Europe; people with beautiful hearts.
Rich or poor, powerful or weak, globally, we share more, than less in common. All of humanity share heart; some pour it out, others change it. I felt connected to the PM, a man of power willing to reveal his heart. Heart - fascinating that we use this word to describe the muscle that pumps the blood through us; its also a word to describe feeling, emotion, and affection; one can pour out his heart; another can lose heart; then it can also be the center of a matter or even city.
While in the fog of the catheterization lab, as a catheter was directed though my wrist and to my my heart, all viewed on monitors above, doctor Cooper identified the blockage details, then turned to me: "you are fortunate, your heart is very strong, no damage, but we can't do anything of benefit for you here. You'll need bypass surgery"
The Balkans have been on a twenty year bypass surgery journey. Centuries of heartless conflict eroded into one of the worst wars of the late twentieth century. Catholics, Muslims, Orthodox, behaving like barbarians, each claiming ancestral rights to land, unable to live together. Visit the Balkans today and you will meet beautiful people, diverse cultures, and countries struggling to find their way into the developed union of Europe; people with beautiful hearts.
Sam Poole's heart
Sam and I became friends and kept in touch now and then until he died 7 years after we were graduated from Kent. When I first met Sam my forth form year, he was a touch hard edged. I remember experiencing some amount of hazing and ridicule from him, mostly in the good spirit of prep school upper to lower form discipline. Sam became very sick, so sick that he required a new heart. While he was away, we weekly remembered him in many ways, but particularly within the incense fragranced walls of St. Joseph's. A few years later, Sam returned with a new heart. An aside, I was shocked that he played on the football team-new heart and all! With the new heart, he was tender, compassionate, thirsty for life, even spiritually awakened. One day in the locker room, he took the time to show and explain the scares. I distinctly remember his big smile. Sam had a big heart. I learned from Sam.
No, I didn't have a heart attack
But, I really feel deeply for someone who has had a heart attack. During the past three days, I've had a crash course on the mechanics of the heart. Did I tell you that I like doctors? I love science. I know this amazing scientist... but that's another story I'll tell you later... Paul, doesn't Coldplay have a song about The Scientist or maybe you wrote one... I digress. As I described in my last blog, Ed, the heart surgeon, lives on one side. And, David, the cardiologist lives on the other. David came over yesterday and spent two hours helping me understand the mechanics of the heart. For one, David educated me on the success rate of bypass surgery; among the highest of all surgery. So, if I don't make it, I take this moment to broadcast one reason, if not the reason, I started this blog: love your neighbor! David detailed the various arteries and ventricles, you know, the stuff we memorized and forgot years ago. Knowledge helps us on the way to confidence. Check out DIKW - data, information, knowledge, wisdom. Ignorance breeds fear.
Oh, and for those who heard a rumor: no, I didn't have a heart attack. I felt what one might describe as slight burning sensation in my esophagus and a strange feeling in my right thumb. Something coaxed me to tell Bruce (Dr. Swords) during my physical. He ordered a stress test and, well you know some of the story. Throughout this period and for the recent several months, I have felt pretty good. Doctor Cooper said my heart if very strong, no sign of any damage. Just bum luck arteries.
I met Bruce and Diane through coaching their son Clayton in soccer some many moons ago. A lovely couple, plus Lauren and Clayton. To this day, Clayton's first smile warms my heart.
Oh, and for those who heard a rumor: no, I didn't have a heart attack. I felt what one might describe as slight burning sensation in my esophagus and a strange feeling in my right thumb. Something coaxed me to tell Bruce (Dr. Swords) during my physical. He ordered a stress test and, well you know some of the story. Throughout this period and for the recent several months, I have felt pretty good. Doctor Cooper said my heart if very strong, no sign of any damage. Just bum luck arteries.
I met Bruce and Diane through coaching their son Clayton in soccer some many moons ago. A lovely couple, plus Lauren and Clayton. To this day, Clayton's first smile warms my heart.
The doctor
I love doctors. Like all of us, I've been poked and prodded, jabbed and questioned. I live in an area where doctors are ever present, particularly the local Starbucks. Doctors are some of the hardest working humblest people on the planet. They've gotten a bad rap all about money. They don't own their schedule, they've given it to us. My neighbor, Ed, is a consummate public servant. His car comes and goes at all hours. I have often awaken in the middle of the night to his headlights. Ed's a cardiac surgeon. He saves people's lives. But, folks, we own Ed's schedule. If he's doing the bypass surgery on me next week, I sure hope he is sufficiently incentivized to do it well. Ed serves hearts. Anne and I happen to have been with Ed and Lori on the dance floor late last Saturday. Ed has a big heart. I might tell you more of this story later. Back to doctors.
Anne and I have had some great times with doctors. There's the anesthesiologist, a sweet lady who cooks like the iron chef. Come to think of it, most of the doctors I know are good cooks. Kinda scary, if one of them decided to contradict the oath and go the other way. Seriously, Vito, Joe and Bobby are three of the finest people I know. Boy, can they cook. Maybe we should blame them for my clogged arteries.... no, just bum genetics and lack of disciple by me. They love their wives. I'm gonna stop for a second. We all have problems - all our wives have problems. Vito, Joe and Bobby - if something happens to me, I'll haunt you the rest of your lives if you don't stop and take the time to realize and really love your wives. They are precious and they love you. These three are examples - that goes for all of us - love your wife and family. Joe, thanks for stopping by to check on me in the Cath Lab Tuesday!
The point about doctors is that regardless of the money, the prestige, they first and foremost gotta have chosen the profession because they love to help people. Being on call, the doctor is a slave to the patient. Ponder what a doctor really does. A doctor is a public servant. Sure, like anyone some loose their way. But, that's part of my motivation for this blog. We all loose our way, from time to time, but where are we going? What is my - your purpose? Who do I serve?
Doctors are also willing to face some of the hard questions of life; life and death. It must be difficult to live a life of helping people, yet facing the fact that we all die. This thing we call body, dies and turns to dust. Architects can design things that last thousands of years. Doctors constantly fix something that will break again. It will be dust within a hundred years.
Anne and I have had some great times with doctors. There's the anesthesiologist, a sweet lady who cooks like the iron chef. Come to think of it, most of the doctors I know are good cooks. Kinda scary, if one of them decided to contradict the oath and go the other way. Seriously, Vito, Joe and Bobby are three of the finest people I know. Boy, can they cook. Maybe we should blame them for my clogged arteries.... no, just bum genetics and lack of disciple by me. They love their wives. I'm gonna stop for a second. We all have problems - all our wives have problems. Vito, Joe and Bobby - if something happens to me, I'll haunt you the rest of your lives if you don't stop and take the time to realize and really love your wives. They are precious and they love you. These three are examples - that goes for all of us - love your wife and family. Joe, thanks for stopping by to check on me in the Cath Lab Tuesday!
The point about doctors is that regardless of the money, the prestige, they first and foremost gotta have chosen the profession because they love to help people. Being on call, the doctor is a slave to the patient. Ponder what a doctor really does. A doctor is a public servant. Sure, like anyone some loose their way. But, that's part of my motivation for this blog. We all loose our way, from time to time, but where are we going? What is my - your purpose? Who do I serve?
Doctors are also willing to face some of the hard questions of life; life and death. It must be difficult to live a life of helping people, yet facing the fact that we all die. This thing we call body, dies and turns to dust. Architects can design things that last thousands of years. Doctors constantly fix something that will break again. It will be dust within a hundred years.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The stress test
I have started this blog for friends and for someone in their 40s-50s confronting heart disease. While having a routine physical recently, I told my doctor (and friend) that I had felt a few funny or different feelings in my chest while exercising. I also mentioned that I felt a slight tingling sensation in my thumb(s). We discussed the possibility of a gastrointestinal problem or cardiology issue. His office scheduled a stress test.
Three days later, after what I thought was a very successful "passed" stress test, a nice lady said that I should see the doctor because something of caution showed up on my nuclear test. I was directed to a waiting room where I overheard someone schedule a procedure in the cath lab for the next morning. The person scheduling then said the patients name; it was mine. Suddenly, I became a heart patient. 50 years old, a loving husband and father of 4, a successful ski racer, avid athlete, golfer, tennis player, hiker, now a cardiac patient. A rush of emotion swelled inside. In the next few minutes, pictures of people entered my imagination. All my family- walking with Megan to work on 54th, talking with Michael in a cozy corner of manhattan, eating indian food with Katherine, throwing a football with Tucker on the lawn this weekend, faster and faster the pictures flashed, golfing with Tom, playing chess in Mark's office, George and Tita in Portugal looking down on the Porto River, Dorian in his office, Neil and Lesego's little one, Sam and his siblings playing in the yard, Murry and Liz with the girls on the Great Ocean Road, faster and faster the pictures cycled, hundreds per second. If you are reading this and know me, an image, experience together, a memory appeared. I remained cogent but overwhelmed by the rush of feeling that I really loved these people.
Enter the doctor
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