Letter to Sarah Palin

Dear Sarah,
I've heard that you've been read'n my blog.  Wow, Alaska looks like a wonderful place.  With my improved arteries, I should be able to get there someday.  Anne and I hope to see you when we visit.  As you probably know, Anne and I lived in the Washington DC area after we were graduated from university.  You'd be happy to know that I worked for the Republican Congressional Committee.

I really don't recommend the place for a gal like you from Alaska.  For one, you can't shoot in the backyard.  This is really frustrating since there is an over population of raccoons and other rodents.  Washington is full of democrats and you can't shoot them either.  They are everywhere and vote for all kinds of silly things: roads, bridges, national parks, and so on.  You wouldn't believe it.  Oh, and Congress, they are constantly disagreeing with the president, but you would like the veto thing.  Overall, I don't recommend it.

On a more personal note, lately it's been rumored that you might run'n for president in two years.  Though me and a bunch of the boys down here in the south think you'd win, we really don't think its the right job for a refined woman like you.  Heck, you know how to dress out a bear.  That would be a darn waste of talent inside the beltway where there ain't no bears.  No, you can see Russia from your area, so we really hope you'll keep our border protected way up there where the sun don't shine (or does it shine all the time?).  I am also concerned for your appearance.  We just love watching you on TV, but did you see what happened to Bill Clinton?  Look at his pictures in 1992 and then in 2000, he looks, like, fifty years older.  That would be a sad shame if you became president.  Anyhow, I don't want to bust your balloon, but you and me, we've always been straight shooters, and frankly, I think the President of the United States should know a bit more.  Don't get me wrong, you know a lot about a lot of important stuff, like hunt'n, fish'n, sex'n, all that, but what 'bout the EU (whatever that is) and places like Serbia, and Kazakhstan, and Tajikistan and a bunch of other places we can't spell.  I'm sure you can balance your checking account, but do you have any idea how to balance a government budget with all those earmarks and social securities?  And, CDSs; everybody says they caused the credit crisis, but do you know how to stop them in the future, whatever they are?  Is QE2 a boat or what?  I ain't say'n you ain't smart or anything, I'm just hoping that the Republicans can find a President who knows a lot about small business job stimulation, Chinese-Indian business and political affair developments, a deeper sense of the financial markets and long term fiscal policy implications, and so on.

I ain't prejudice or sexist but maybe a mother of five who resigned from her job as governor should keep on do'n what you're do'n in Alaska.
Yours truly,
Byron


CC: Harriette Knox, Democrat